What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
