I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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