I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I smell like Dick and happiness
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
