I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he thought i was a dude.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
