ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
