i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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