I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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