Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
