Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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