I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just forgot I was standing up.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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