They should really pass out barf bags in church
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
