I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
