Soap is not a condiment
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
