I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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