Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
