so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
