i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
