Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
