ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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