can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
