apparently the secret to your success is patron
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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