I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
