ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
