Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
