Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
