You're my little dorito
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize