): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
