I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
