you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
