Ambien. No doubt about it.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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