I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
