It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
