my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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