You're so nebulous sometimes
I am in a vortex of obligation.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
