she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
