Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
