I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
