Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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