You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
