first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
