I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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