Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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