New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
