I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
