so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
