i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
