here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
