I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
