Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
