her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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