Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
