you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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