I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
3 2 1 whiskey
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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