if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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