the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
