I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
